thundersnow's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How Now, Brown Rope? Yes, I know. Your life has been a topsy-turvy, knotted series of explosive/tranquil contradictions, of late. It has to do with Mars….and Pisces…and possibly the absurd notion that you had last week that telling your romantic partner that your midnight skinny dip with the hunk who sold you your gym membership was nothing more than a “Welcome to Our Program” bonus that would somehow open up communication between you and your now EX-romantic partner. Mars. Pisces. Explosions in or around water…ahem…yes,well… I dedicate this entry to the tranquilly-explosive contradictory clients of mine who, in response to this recent Planetary Mosh Pit,have asked me questions that no one, psychically endowed or otherwise, should ever have to think about, let alone actually have to ANSWER. Yes, yes. I understand that you pay me rather large sums of money to contact your dead Aunt Louise, and I feel honored that you trust and believe that your spiritual growth will intensify through my efforts to help you understand why Aunt Louise always insisted that pickled eggs were invented by her own great-grandmother in response to a Voice from God one morning. But let’s be fair here…. Do you really think that you need to interrupt my trance by, then, proclaiming, “Oh, my god. Can you tell me what it means that four feet of like…oh, my…like a brown slimy rope…I mean, oh, god….I am so embarrassed to ask you this…but I mean, can you tell me what it means? A brown ropy worm…no, bigger than that, like a snake….came out of me during my High Colonic this afternoon…you know, Omer, the Healer Guy who does colonics?…he got a putrid…oh, my god…I mean, PUTRID…brown slimy rope out of me. Can you tell me what that means?” Pyschic pause. I say we let Omer, the Healer Guy who does High Colonics, answer that, hon. And let’s focus our attention, instead, on your obvious compulsion to gross out your psychic advisor. Mars. Pisces. Explosions in or around water…OKAY. We’ll call that a connection to your fascination with your colonic, but beyond that, count me out of the game. My Tarot deck doesn’t contain a Brown Slimy Rope card and so the subject is closed. And don’t be thinking that an extra seventy-five bucks and a gift certificate to Omer, the Healer Guy who does High Colonics, will tempt me to commune with your dead Grandpa Grady about his interpretation of your intestinal experience. Other related questions I have been asked during this Mars/Pisces cycle? Oh, you know….the usual…. Will my Rottweiler always be incontinent when we let him sleep on my Mother’s new sofa (s)? Do you think my boyfriend really was just giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to that bathing suit model he says washed up on shore when he was at the ocean last weekend? I mean, that pretty much makes my boyfriend Can you see me someday owning a lucrative, worldwide Ocean tanker shipping business? (Considering that you just graduated from a four-hour course in Water Safety On Small Ponds, your ONLY effort to expand your education since you graduated from High School 23 YEARS ago….um…let me think…my answer to your question is “NO.”) I need to go now. A phone client is calling to ask if I will talk to her dead Iguana, hoping that he will relieve her guilt that she accidentally drowned him fifteen years ago in a toilet mishap (details are confidential, folks)….. …explosions in or near water, indeed.
2:57 p.m. - 2003-07-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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